sometimes

eta: i wrote this last night and scheduled it to post this morning.  

sometimes i have a lot i want to say.  the thoughts and words are easy and i can't wait to write them down.
sometimes it's hard and i struggle and i wonder if it's worth posting anything at all.

sometimes i want to be light and funny and share pages or projects or ideas i've found on the web.
sometimes i want to be meaningful and thoughtful and make an impression.

sometimes i ask myself if anyone is listening.
sometimes i know that they are.

sometimes i worry that i'm boring or make grammatical mistakes or don't use parenthesis where i should.
sometimes i don't care.

sometimes i am so proud of my pictures or my finished post.  it makes me feel warm inside.
sometimes i'm just happy to hit the publish button.

sometimes i write an entire post and pour out my feelings.
sometimes i erase it and start all over.

sometimes i wonder...sometimes i think too much...sometimes it doesn't make sense.
sometimes i just do it.  those seem to work the best.

sometimes i spend hours on one post.
sometimes i just want to crawl into bed and watch modern family with bobby and laugh and just be.

tonight is one of those nights.
late last week a friend of a friend lost her husband in a tragic and senseless accident.  they have a 2 year old and twins due in just a few short weeks.  they were a normal family living a normal life.  and last thursday their lives changed forever.  the funeral was today and it's all i can think about.  nothing seems important enough to post.  at least not today.

instead i want to take some time to be with bobby and let him know how grateful i am to share my life with him.  i want to thank him for his sacrifice, his patience and his strength.  i want to tell him that my life is more meaningful because he loves me.  i want him to know that i appreciate him as a husband and father.  i want him to remember that he matters to me. i just want to be with him.

life has been busy and hectic. my mind is on the race and school and to-do's.  i think i have forgotten to slow down and live this moment, this right now.  it's really all we have.

life is so fragile . . .

sometimes it's good to be reminded of that.