running through my mind

this week marks my 7th week of training, which means i am 3 weeks away from the great race.  wow, that made me nervous.  3 weeks away!  look i know it's not a marathon i'm doing here.  but i'm still super excited about what i have committed to.

i wanted to share some thoughts on my experience so far.

someone called me a runner the other day.  actually, it was stated more in disbelief than as a description.  "i never thought of you as being a runner." to which i quickly responded, "i'm not."  because i don't consider myself a runner, at least not yet.  i run.  but i'm not a runner.

i was at the gym last week watching regis and kelly as i pushed myself through a workout on the cross trainer.  they were kicking off a 3,000 mile run from disneyland to new york.  the guy is running up to 50 miles a day, everyday for 75 days.  that guy is a runner, a mad man, but a runner.

for me to take on the title i feel like i have to have been doing it longer than 7 weeks.  i have a goal in mind, the 5k.  i have a to do item to cross off my life list.  that is what is keeping me motivated to go to training every saturday morning.  that is what is getting me to the gym after i drop the kids off at school when i would rather go home and spend the few precious hours i have without kids doing anything else.  yes, i am enjoying it. i am feeling like i want to do it.  it is becoming something fun.  but if i didn't have that race creeping it's way closer, i don't know if i would still be doing it, or at least not pushing myself this hard.

in high school the mile run was such a nightmare for me.  kind of like having to make a speech in front of my class.  i couldn't think past the moment of getting it done.  it was a roadblock in my life.  i never ran it in the required time.  i'm sure i never ran it the whole way through.  it just wasn't me.  my dad was a runner.  he ran long distance for his high school team and was very good at it.  he held a school record for a number of years.  i remember seeing a picture of him in a race.  he had been running for miles.  he was thin, his faced was relaxed, his body was in perfect motion. what i saw in that picture was a runner. i am a mess when i run.  sometimes barely moving my feet.  feeling like i have agony written all over my face.  the trainer will remind me to keep my shoulders down, lift my knees, and breath.  it takes more work than it seems.

running has taught me that i really don't know what my limits are.  i think i do.  i self impose them.  but now i see that my mindset matters more than what i think my body is capable of.

every week the trainer will give us a goal for the following week.  "this week try and run 2-3 times for 20, 30, or 45 minutes."  at first it seems impossible, seriously.  and the first 10 minutes that i am running it feels impossible.  but you know what?  i always make it.  i have found that i talk myself out of stopping.  keep going, make it to the corner, keep up with the person in front of you.  sometimes it takes the trainer running next to me and reminding me that i can do this.

this saturday we had to run 45 minutes.  it was cold, misty and i was tired grumpy from a not so great week.  but i showed up.  knowing that she would make us run farther and longer than we ever had.  at one point i got a side stitch and had to slow down to a walk to catch my breath.  but i kept going. i pushed through the pain and finished.  (i think i know why i'm getting cramps but if you have any advice please pass it along.) not one person stopped.  we pushed through and motivated each other and finished together.  that felt so good.

i find myself looking for music to pump up my workout and give me motivation.  florence and the machine's "dog days are over" seems to be doing the trick right now.  it makes all the difference in the world to run with good tunes playing in my ear.  i am shopping for clothing; wickit shirts with thumb holes, pants, a new pair of shoes.  and i am secretly coveting a watch to keep track of my heart rate and distance.  i am currently using run keeper on my iphone to help me keep track of my workouts.

the rewards are so much greater than i ever would have imagined.  i feel strong.  after a good run i feel positive, my mind is clear and i'm thinking about going faster or longer next time.  surprisingly, i haven't lost any weight, but i can feel that my body has changed.  and my clothes feel better.

i'm trying not to think beyond this race.  the trainer has already suggested that we think about doing a 10k in april.  the disney half marathon is in september. one race at a time, right?

so, when the race is over and i have met that goal, if i continue to run up and down that darn hill and back again, then i can call myself a runner.

check out this video i found today.  it's no coincidence that i stumbled across it as i was writing this post. it says a lot about what running makes me feel.


have a great day.