blog your heart

i have to be honest...
i've been struggling with what to post for the last few weeks.
i mean really struggling.
i think you can tell.
i put it off.  i write at the last minute.  i don't have a plan.

today i knew i wanted to write about honesty.
being honest.
with myself.
with life.

then i read this post by stephanie howell.
and there was my answer.

blog from the heart.

so here goes:

1.  i've been so preoccupied lately.  stressed, overwhelmed, a little loopy.  it's a busy time.  the kids had an incredible amount of homework and projects and tests last week.  we had parties and socials and meetings.  it got to be a little too much to stay on top of it all.  i'm glad that week is over.  this week it's been all about halloween.  school carnival, kids' costumes and parties.  the truth is the work never ends.  i need to learn to deal with it better.  yoga and running are helping.  at least to get rid of some of the stress and feel at the end of the day that i did something positive for me.

2. my to-do list isn't getting any shorter.  i have projects and housework that i have been trying to get to.   it seems overwhelming to start.  but the truth is that if i could get through it, it would make life so much easier.  getting rid of the clutter and excess helps us see clearly what we have and what we really need.  i'm focusing on doing it a little at a time. 15 minutes sound so much easier to handle than 3 hours.  it will get done in time.

3. halloween costumes...always a last minute task for us.  i'm not sure how into the holiday the kids are to begin with.  sofia didn't want to wear her pajamas to school yesterday on "pajama day".  i can't expect her to wear her costume to school on friday.  but we finally have them all.  and i know they will all look great.

4. work is on my mind.  work is always on my mind.  i think the topic alone warrants a blog post in itself.  i've been an at home mom for 12 years.  i've thought about going back to work for 12 years. i've done a little here and there.  but the reality is, the time has come to commit to something.  i have lots of questions, self doubt and excuses.  looking for the answers and advice as i go.

5. live in the moment.  last week when i was in the throws of cupcake making and event planning and dealing with issues at school i had a breakdown.  i cried.  i lost it.  i thought about everything that was going wrong, that i hadn't done, that i knew i had no control over.  and in that moment i asked myself, what do i need to accomplish right now?  forget about everything else.  what is the priority?  that was frosting the cupcakes.  that's what i did.  i focused all of my energy on doing it and doing it well. and somehow that made everything better.

6. i've had conversations with friends who read my blog and i'm afraid i'm leaving an impression that i have it all together.  could not be farther from the truth.  maybe i just choose to focus on the positive and fun on this blog (except for maybe this post).  the yoga teacher told us in class that you can train your mind to think about the details of one thing so that it doesn't wander off and think about those things you'd rather not think about.  life for me is not hard.  life is challenging.  and it comes in waves.  the great thing is that i can recognize the bad and the good.  i am thankful for all of it. i am more grateful than i have ever been in my life.  thankful for my family, my home, the things that we are able to do, the body that keeps me moving everyday, whether i am nice to it or not.  that's what i write about.

and i am so very thankful that you took the time to read this.

have a great one.