Thursday, February 19, 2015

practice doesn't always make perfect

i'm on an adventure.  a creative adventure.  i'm trying out, working on, figuring out what i'm good at.  what makes me happy.  where my strengths are. i am making mistakes.  little ones.  but sometimes those mistakes are enough to say -  i don't want to do this anymore.

my challenge is, and always has been, to keep going.  to start on something, to realize my mistakes, hopefully to correct them, and then to just keep going.  i get stuck here a lot. it's why i have a stack of unfinished projects.

i'm constantly telling myself, that doesn't look right?  self doubt is a killer.

in the little exercise i am calling just a thought here on the blog i spend way too much time trying to find the perfect quote, the right design.  i practice over and over and usually end up saying, screw it, just call it done and post it. 

one of the posts took 14 pages of my journal to get to that point.  practicing with different colors, trying to make it look more free form, trying not to copy the print that inspired it, trying too hard.

when i'm writing i can rewrite, edit, completely delete and start over.  i forgive myself for spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and misinformation.  it doesn't usually stop me.  i will keep writing. in 897 post i have made many mistakes.  there are posts i don't really like and ones that i love.  but i keep writing.

but in art i am way more critical. i feel like the mishaps are there for everyone to see.  the risks that i take are visible, whether they pay off or not.

i think eventually you evolve and master.  things start to look ok.  you find your voice, your vision, you let go of fear.  you can see the beauty of your work.  i am not making masterpieces over here, so why am i giving myself such a hard time?  my end goal is to have a little play time, something that feels like me, that brings me joy.

i will practice a little more kindness and give up on being perfect.

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