happy birthday

and if you're reading this on sunday, happy new year.
today is jordan's 13th birthday.

i can't believe he's 13.

a few years ago jordan and i were having a conversation in the car.  i seem to have the best conversations with the kids in the car.  jordan noticed some graffiti on the wall.  he asked me why people write on the wall like that.  i think i answered something like, "it's usually teenagers who have nothing better to do with their time."  he said, "but isn't that wrong?"  and i said, "yes, but sometimes teenagers do things that are wrong."  then he got really sad and said, "i worry about being a teenager and doing things that make you mad."

that is one of the many reasons that i love him so much.

i'd like to think he won't be a rebellious teenager.  at least not terribly rebellious.  i don't think he has it in him.

i think he has a lot of his mother in him.

one who didn't like to disappoint, or hurt, or cause waves.
i do hope he takes chances and discovers and tests and pushes the boundaries.
and i pray for the patience to handle that and let him become the person he is meant to be.
learning from his triumphs and his mistakes.  even if they are hard lessons to learn - for both of us.

is it possible to be cautiously rebellious?
that's what i think he'll be.

he already has a lot of the teenager in him.
he is almost as tall as me, wears a bigger shoe than bobby and has been shaving for a few months.  so this milestone birthday comes as no surprise to us.

but it's still hard to believe.

and when i look at him, at the young man he has become, i am impressed.  his confidence and good nature.  his peacefulness and adventurous spirit.  i have no doubt that although challenges are ahead for us, we will all come out of this better people.

son, you are my inspiration.  i love you beyond the limits of my heart.  thank you for shining light into my life, for your compassion and pure heart.  i treasure you.

happy birthday!